DEAD

...Lost My Last Nursing Sister
Nurses In Vietnam

We Will Never Forget

tears have dried and some vision is restored
aching in my heart, no stabbing pain though
'twas nice to sit in the sun
feel the warmth and not dismiss it
warmth circled me
infused my spirit
comforted my soul...I needed it and I needed more,
there was no more, you are on your own
when too much slips from your heart

good memories sneaked into my mind
fought them I did
it felt like I left the grieving
too quickly and was hard-hearted
reality? life goes on. period.

if a dead one would have you
wailing and wringing of the hands
they ain't worth longing for...

celebrate their lives
their gifts were many
gifts of love and hugs and belly laughs
singing happily off key, half drunk , whole exhaustion
dancing in the light of the stars and the beams of the sun
drinking rain water when we could
the taste so much better

a push--many wounded coming in
pushes are not convenient or planned
expected? yes
shallow breaths of exhaustion
what is sleep anyway?
'tis another realm of mortars/brave boys with body parts gone
smells...oh, the smells

Slip into auto-mode, lives depend on your weakened soul and well-honed skills
quick looks over the OR table
saying, "you can do it."
I did it.
they did it when my eyes
gave them a shot of keep-it-up
They kept it up.
We gave. We got.
Stood together
slumped against each other
raised hell together
all in the name of I-Will-Get-Home
We did, we did.

Physically we came home
existing as shrouds only,
should that not release the unbearable??
seen as a shadow of self, vague and undisturbed
pass through me quickly, take the strands of my spirit and cut them loose...
I shall not miss those strands, their numbers are great
loose/out of reach/who cares?
whatever

your eyes see my body
you see Nothing, Nothing
of the memories...burnt bodies..."am I gonna die?"...where is the damn blood?!...
"help my buddy first 'cause he's worse" holding your bulging/bloody guts
"Am I Gonna Die?
why yes, yes you are
your momma will cry
tears dripping on your flag-draped coffin
grasping the folded flag

so many coffins and folded flags Now
why?

Speak of the current wars
ya get bloated and pompous denials of a president gone mad
or
swelling murmurs of this cannot go on
negotiate? protect?
rebuild the damage inflicted on them
blind to the damage inflicted to them--our men, our women
SOS
Yes?


Random thoughts, some gibberish outing from the dark
draining, it is
letting 'em open like scab-picking