Sodas and Sillies

Another day of leaving the miseries behind and enjoying myself. It's not illegal or immoral--nuts!--but it does soothe the soul. I have no idea if people actually read these things, but what the heck, here goes.

I went to one of the few drugstores in town that have old fashioned soda fountains. Incredible! It was wonderful and felt so good. The older gentleman sitting a few seats down was a gift, a hoot, and should have been a comic...instead his career was as a judge. A judge with a sense of humor...and the man was more alert than I've been on 12 Red Bulls.

His root beer float smelled really, really good--or was that his after shave? Whatever, I ordered one. Apparently he took that to mean that I was a gracious Southern lady so he struck up a conversation with me.

It started out with the usual small talk then he switched to having an audience...me and the old lady behind the counter.

He asked if I ever thought about it when a grocery cashier asked me, paper or plastic. Yes I answered and he was off...

Paper or Plastic?
We could save thousands of trees if we all gave up using toilet paper…how? Start using corncobs; it could make small farmers rich but would cut--pun intended--into the profits of the hemorrhoid surgeons.
But we would have to worry about another phenomena--”Roid Rage.” Think about it! If you got hemmies, they ain’t gonna like the cobs.

What’s another name for a redneck lighting farts?
Fire-cracker…

Twenty rednecks shooting off and doing the rebel yell…hell that’ll strike terror in the hearts of any damn Yankee or terrorist, and that’s just the women.

Ya know what? I feel sorry for those redneck kids…
Instead of training wheels they have gun racks on the back of their tricycles.

That old broad of mine is driving me nuts…
always bitching about her weight…hell, if she shaved her armpits she’d lose 12 pounds.
That hair reminds me of Tribles.
I accidentally looked at her before I turned off the bedroom light and thought she was nursing them.

When she came home from a doctors’ appointment and told me she was incontinent…I thought she meant we were gonna visit Europe or South America.

Now I have to redo the budget…at first it was Kotex for “my grandmother is here for a vist.” Now I gotta buy Pee Pads...paper or plastic?

See this bruise on my forehead? Didn’t duck fast enough when she threw the lamp at me… Can’t get one head down fast enough and can’t get the other one up at all…

She was standing if front of the mirror moaning about how her body has aged
Asked what could she do about it…
I suggested using her underarm wings to take a trip, a very long trip. To the incontinent...she told me where I could go and take lots of ice with me

All right, so I have a warped sense of humor but I found it funny...he left as I was drying my tears from laughing...his timing on the jokes was beautiful, absolutely just right.

The lady behind the counter made another float for me, and we began talking about him. He has been coming there for as long as she can remember; many times stopping on his way home from court. It was his way of relaxing before going home to his beloved wife. It was an agreement they had to leave work at the front door, leaving them somewhat free of that stress.

Both had stressful jobs, were devoted to each other but also to their jobs, and put off taking any vacations...visiting the grandkids but not one where they saw the Alps or the Vatican or swam in the ocean.

She mentioned he always stopped there on his way to the Assisted Living place to see her...late stage Alzheimer's.

I sent loving thoughts to both of them...but I also knew I didn't want to put off having fun ever again...miseries will always be there, the laughter may not.

Mercy, but this event sounds so hokey...but it happened to me. I still believe it was meant as a reminder to enjoy life.