Dust Off

Sitting outside this morning and watching the rain, I become aware of the green glow of the leaves...the rain had gently dissolved the dust and grime weighing them down. There was no harsh wind whipping them, no drowning downpour beating them down...had there been, they would have survived, albeit with fewer leaves.

The parallel in my life surprised me with a quiet Aha! I've been so intent on managing to keep those damn barnacles of despair off my spirit...and failed to recognize the tiny bits of dust particles settling on it. Intense focus on the "big things' has been very helpful, of course. I'm grateful for my stubbornness and determination, it has served me well.
I was ignorant, though, of the weight of those dust particles bending me, weighing me down, smothering me with their numbers. They represent the things in my life that seemed too small to bother with; batting at them like gnats did not make them go away, it doubled their efforts in coming together to get my attention. And get it, they did. These small things proliferate at an astounding rate, demanding attention lest they bring me down more quickly than a huge struggle.
Major events/flashbacks/fears bring out the warrior in me--pridefully I put on my armor and weapons and charge in without fear. My armor? Oh, my rescue techniques and past victories..a rather smug attitude. It turns out that I was not as aware of the effect of so many of the little things. Result; I was not prepared, as if you can be, until they bite the bum.
Having my bum bitten certainly got my attention. There is no turmoil in making a battle plan...making a battle plan is useless, anyway...and part of the problem. I don't care for the statement of not sweating the small stuff...small stuff can clog the pores--the dimensions of my spirit--in a way that is just as draining as the mighty things. Quite possibly, more so...it makes sense to me that it may be that my thinking they were not as important was foolish. No, not foolish...ignorant of what they were capable of doing to me.
This ramble is running out of energy. Perhaps I need to let go and allow these small things to slide off me. How I don't know; maybe just acknowledging it will be a good beginning...I'll think of that as my first step, and let the others come when they will.
Who would have thought that a rain of sorts coming down on me would be a healing?