Ten Minutes

Ten minutes is all it took for me to crash and burn. It's not a record for me; I've done it in ten seconds. The ten minutes most likely is a delayed reaction to what happened...or didn't happen. Words were said, I became silent but used every damn thing I could think of to shut out the laughter of those who taught me well to think badly of myself. And it just didn't work, none of them worked...so the shriveling started.

"I watched a flower withering and was embarrassed by it's honesty."

~~unknown~~

It was sneaky but it was not an attack; quite the contrary, it was business as usual for this person. Usually I tell them to FO...I didn't do it. All I could think of was, Not Again. Not Again.But the body is tired and the spirit was bruised, and I became furious at myself for being hurt instead of deflecting those unkind words.

Now I feel worn out from giving in instead of being worn out from the fight to protect myself.

Snowballs of everything I've ever done wrong have became an avalanche of denial that there is anything good I have done in my walking this earth.

Yeah, my defenses are down but not for the count. I get so frigging tired sometimes, though.